Editor’s note: National Coming Out Day is Oct. 11.
I could brief you on the history of National Coming Out Day, but if you’re reading this, you probably already know the point (or at least have a Chappell Roan playlist running in the background).
But for the allies, National Coming Out Day is a day to recognize and of course, celebrate, the bravery of LGBTQIA+ individuals who choose to live openly and authentically. It’s also a reminder to listen, to learn and to use your voice to help create spaces where coming out doesn’t have to feel so hard; where no one has to be brave just to exist.
My coming out story is actually kind of funny.
Junior year of high school, I started secretly dating my girlfriend. I wanted to ask her to prom publicly, but first, I had to tell my parents.
My little sister already knew, and then I came out to my mom in our driveway in a moment of weakness. She just said, “I already knew.”
Okay, well, I don’t know what gave it away. Could’ve been anything. Maybe the obsession with “Glee” in middle school.
Then I had to tell my dad.
I couldn’t decide if I wanted to come out on a cake or a slideshow. So, naturally, I went with both. The cake was sort of a backup if the slideshow went poorly, because at least there’d be a sweet treat after.
I set up my laptop in front of my dad on a random Wednesday, queued up Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way” (I’m so serious), and let him click through all eight slides.
The first slide just read “Hi Dad.” I’ll let you interpret the rest.
I think it was almost as surprising to him as the Patriots losing the Super Bowl in 2018. Regardless, the night ended with hugs, tears and cake.
That “secret girlfriend” and I have been dating for over three and a half years now. I’ve been out for just as long. I went to NYC Pride this past June, and the rest is history.
To my mom and dad reading this, thank you for supporting me. I love you!
But to say it was easy would be a lie.
I had to overcome a lot within myself to get to where I am today. For a long time, I lived with a pit in my stomach at the thought of people finding out this big part of me. I didn’t want anyone to look at me differently.
Over time, I realized that “different” isn’t something to hide from; it’s something to grow into. The parts of ourselves we spend years trying to shrink usually end up being the ones that make us stand out in the best way.
Coming out taught me that being seen, even when it’s uncomfortable, is one of the bravest things you can do. It’s funny how one small moment can connect to something much bigger, like what this day represents.
Coming out is funny, terrifying, emotional and freeing all at once.
It’s also not a one-time thing. Every time you meet someone new, start a job or visit family, you do it again. Sometimes with the same level of anxiety as the first time.
I applaud all of those who have come out on this day, but I also applaud all of those who are still waiting for their moment. It will come. Trust me diva, I’ve been there.
You are important whether you’re out or not. You’re not “different” because you’re out; you’re just more you. I know it’s easier said than done, but if you’re reading this: It will be okay.
And if you don’t have support right now, there’s still a whole community waiting for you with open arms. You’re never as alone as you think you are.
That’s why National Coming Out Day means more than just saying the words “I’m gay.” It’s a reminder that visibility takes courage, and that humor helps when life feels awkward (in my opinion, at least).
If you want to come out, do it your way. You don’t owe anyone your story until you’re ready to tell it. And when you are ready, you better work.
Happy National Coming Out day to those who celebrate! And to those who don’t, you’ll come around one day.
Love, Ava.
